in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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