She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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