What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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