Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
