and you said cock pushups were impossible
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
