Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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