Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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