I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
