I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
