dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
