neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
