So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
