look no pants
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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