marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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