I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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