Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
