Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
