When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
then he tried to convert me to islam
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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