Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
