I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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