i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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