He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize