her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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