you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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