I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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