Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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