i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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