this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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