Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
