I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
