Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
