So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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