can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize