oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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