ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
