PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
