He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize