So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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