you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize