wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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