Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
