Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I color on your dick again?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
