He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
