Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
