Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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