Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
