my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You ruined the universe
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
