I skipped work to stalk him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
