Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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