I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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