can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
