Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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