Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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