considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize