I cannot find my penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
