i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
