Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
