so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
