I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
