I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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