I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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