oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
