and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
