It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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