u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
