There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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