i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
