I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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