so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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