But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
