Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
