do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
