you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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