i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
